Saturday, October 5, 2013
Life just happened, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Nothing like falling off the blogging world for a little while. Here's the scoop. We had our baby girl! I guess its finally time I write about the birth and how AMAZING it all went! No worries. No gross details. :) So I had my membranes stripped twice. Twice this time. And nothing. It did absolutely nothing this time. Talk about a disappointment! So we tried everything we heard about to get Kelsie out. Tons of walking. Squats, I spent days on an exercise ball, pressure points, and "hubby time". Why was nothing working?? Of course it would be because she didn't want to be out yet. Which is fine, except I wasn't taking no for an answer. The morning of March 26th, the contractions started about every 10 minutes and stayed that way for about two hours and from there it only got closer and stronger! But strangely I was rocking the contractions! I used the hypnobirthing techniques and let me tell you it was bomb. Still not easy taking care of an almost two year old while having contractions every few minutes though, so my mom came over to help me. Around 1 p.m. they got to 1-2 minutes apart and they were pretty strong but honestly I was still talking and laughing through most of them. It was soooo odd. Totally different experience than with Spencer! But since they were so close, my mom told me I probably should call Derek to come home just in case. So I did and no joke he said, " Okay do I have time to finish a few things here at work??" So I let him and didn't tell him how close they were Until he got home at 2 p.m. and from there I told him I still didn't feel terrible but when I called my OB, she was already at the hospital so the front desk told me I should just go in and that they would make sure I was admitted. So we went and in triage, they checked me and sure enough I was dilated to a 6!! A 6 and still smiling and talking. It was great, but I made the decision to get the epidural and the main reason I did was because my MIL and 2 SILs would be in the room with me, so I thought it would be better than swearing profanities while they were there. ;) From there everything happened so fast! by 6:30 I was ready to push and within 5-10 minutes of pushing she was out!! So perfect and beautiful. I was in love. I'm so grateful for the better birthing experience this time. No episiotomy, No tearing, recovery was a breeze, and I was lifting and walking normal the next day! Now that I've had it both ways, I hope the rest stay easy. ha!! But really having Kels has been the best. She is an absolutely perfect baby. So happy all day and always so full of life! We have had our challenges with her, being in the hospital twice and it taking 6 months of waking up 5+ times a night to finally get her sleeping through the night, but I finally feel like we're at a good place! Sorry it has taken so long to write about her and how wonderful she is. Every day I thank God for her. She is my best friend. I laugh with her, I cry with her, She makes me better. I'm starting to feel like I'm finding the joy in being a mother. Sad to say it's taken this long, but I'm so glad I do get to enjoy it. I love my Spencer and Kelsie.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
I'm back
After what feels like an eternity I am back! So much has happened recently! I know I am in the middle of my 30 day challenge about me, and I promise I will get back to it, but first I decided I need to write about my kids. I'm going to go back a few years an write down everything I can remember about spencer and his birth. (For the records, and so that when spencer or his future family asks questions, I'll be able to go back and have specific details instead of guessing and getting all my kid's info mixed up. So here goes: it was early Saturday morning and we were nervous and excited! At 10 a.m. I knew I would be getting my membranes stripped per my request to my doctor! Everyone had told me it would hurt but I had no idea how bad. I guess that was a good thing. Immediately following that I started having contractions since I was dilated to a three when Dr. Holmes stripped them! They were happening every 1-3 minutes the whole time. As a first time mom the contractions were unbearable! I couldn't handle each one, and was scared and unsure at what point to go to the hospital since my contractions were so close together! So we waited. I tried to get my mind off of things, and as much as I thought I was dying, they ALWAYS got worse! I was definitely as prepared as I should have been for real labor! So at about 1 or 2 p.m. I sat there crying so Derek called the doctor and he told me to go ahead to the hospital if they were that bad. So off we went! That was the absolute worst car ride of my life!! Every bump I wanted to hit Derek in the face! But I didn't. ;) so we get to the hospital and they send me to triage where they hooked me up to all the crazy machines they monitored me for about an hour since I was only at a three and a half in dilation!! Seriously?! All that pain and I only got a measly half centimeter! So after they realized I wasn't progressing they sent me on the dreaded walk around the hospital for an hour. So boring and tedious, but they made the contractions stronger so it had to be doing something!
We then get back to the bed and hooked up to more machines and they come in to check me and bam, no progress. So they tell me that although I'm in labor it's not progressing fast enough, so they send me home. How do you have a bawling pregnant mom that is having contractions every two minutes and have the nerve to send them home! So we do as they say and go home. I go home and take a bath and try to eat a granola bar and after three hours of that I knew they were getting stronger and I could barely breathe or talk through my contractions. So we decided to take the risk and go back in. So now it's 7 p.m. And they hook up the monitors again and come in and check me, to find I'm finally at a 4.5 dilation! Wow a whole centimeter, but I was considered in active labor so they admitted me! When they came asking if I wanted an epidural, after all I had been through that day I decided I needed a rest. So I did it. Definitely wasn't as bad as everyone described. And the relief was AMAZING! I was able to sleep and not feel a thing! Only thing was, I still wasn't progressing. Not that I cared anymore since I was numb. About two hours after being admitted, dr Holmes came in and broke my water, which was the weirdest feeling ever. So much pressure relieved and so much liquid. But he said that it would be about six hours till we have our sweet boy there. So we wait and wait. The nurse comes in and tells me I'm still just not progressing much so they get the okay to start me on pitocin and tell me that this is normal since I'm a first time mom. By this point it's 10:30 p.m. And I am exhausted so they tell me to get some sleep! (Not sure how its possible when they check on you every 30 minutes) but I did fall asleep and the pitocin started working so I started dilating pretty quick. About 12:30 the dr come in to check me and I'm at a nine so we knew it would be pretty soon! Still I went back to sleep! And at 1 a.m. They came in and checked and I was fully dialated and ready to push since the head was "right there." So they called the dr and about 20 minutes he was there and I pushed for about 25 minutes (mainly because I was puking in the middle of it) and then there he was! Born at 1:45 a.m. In all his glory, my little boy was here. I was in a daze. Exhausted from the labor and not really sure what had just happened, I just tried to soak it all in. This wrinkly 6 lb. 3 oz boy was my new life. 20 inches long and just a beautiful baby boy. I had no idea just what he would put me through in life, but I knew he was mine and that's all that mattered!
And now flash forward, this little guy will be two in 3 days! 3days!? It has been the fastest, slowest two years of my life. But we'll talk more about him in a couple of days.
Can't believe how far my family has come!
We then get back to the bed and hooked up to more machines and they come in to check me and bam, no progress. So they tell me that although I'm in labor it's not progressing fast enough, so they send me home. How do you have a bawling pregnant mom that is having contractions every two minutes and have the nerve to send them home! So we do as they say and go home. I go home and take a bath and try to eat a granola bar and after three hours of that I knew they were getting stronger and I could barely breathe or talk through my contractions. So we decided to take the risk and go back in. So now it's 7 p.m. And they hook up the monitors again and come in and check me, to find I'm finally at a 4.5 dilation! Wow a whole centimeter, but I was considered in active labor so they admitted me! When they came asking if I wanted an epidural, after all I had been through that day I decided I needed a rest. So I did it. Definitely wasn't as bad as everyone described. And the relief was AMAZING! I was able to sleep and not feel a thing! Only thing was, I still wasn't progressing. Not that I cared anymore since I was numb. About two hours after being admitted, dr Holmes came in and broke my water, which was the weirdest feeling ever. So much pressure relieved and so much liquid. But he said that it would be about six hours till we have our sweet boy there. So we wait and wait. The nurse comes in and tells me I'm still just not progressing much so they get the okay to start me on pitocin and tell me that this is normal since I'm a first time mom. By this point it's 10:30 p.m. And I am exhausted so they tell me to get some sleep! (Not sure how its possible when they check on you every 30 minutes) but I did fall asleep and the pitocin started working so I started dilating pretty quick. About 12:30 the dr come in to check me and I'm at a nine so we knew it would be pretty soon! Still I went back to sleep! And at 1 a.m. They came in and checked and I was fully dialated and ready to push since the head was "right there." So they called the dr and about 20 minutes he was there and I pushed for about 25 minutes (mainly because I was puking in the middle of it) and then there he was! Born at 1:45 a.m. In all his glory, my little boy was here. I was in a daze. Exhausted from the labor and not really sure what had just happened, I just tried to soak it all in. This wrinkly 6 lb. 3 oz boy was my new life. 20 inches long and just a beautiful baby boy. I had no idea just what he would put me through in life, but I knew he was mine and that's all that mattered!
And now flash forward, this little guy will be two in 3 days! 3days!? It has been the fastest, slowest two years of my life. But we'll talk more about him in a couple of days.
Can't believe how far my family has come!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Dream job
So sorry for taking so long to do the next post! Life keeps getting in the way if you know what I mean! Proud to say we are finally almost done unpacking! It's taken a long time, but just a couple more boxes to go through and some pictures to hang! Just in time for baby girl to arrive. Which just a heads up, could be within the next two weeks! Sounds crazy right?? Yeah I'm in shock over it!!
Okay well today's post is about my dream job. If you were to ask me what my dream job was 4 or 5 years ago, I would say hands down a receptionist at a health place like physical therapy or a dr office. But after doing that for over a year, I realized actually doing the physical therapy was much more fun than all the paperwork... But that isn't the same dream that I have now after becoming a mom, of almost two kids! Crazy. So I decided that I would love to be able to have basically any job that would allow me to be home all day with my loves. What I really want is a computer job that I never would have to do phone calls with. One that was flexible, but still good paying. I don't do well with having lots of papers all over and with kids it's hard to do too much more, but I know that my duty and what I want to be doing is raising and nurturing my kids first, with making money part time on the side! I just know that I would love to help Derek not have to stress about finances so much, with him starting asu in a few months. But even if I never find anything like that, I know that I am able to live my ultimate dream job of being the person my kids call mom. Nothing beats that... Now if only my almost two year old would actually say "mom" things would be different. Lol One day he'll decide he wants to talk. Haha!
Up next: what are 5 passions I have. This one may be a toughy! Ha
Okay well today's post is about my dream job. If you were to ask me what my dream job was 4 or 5 years ago, I would say hands down a receptionist at a health place like physical therapy or a dr office. But after doing that for over a year, I realized actually doing the physical therapy was much more fun than all the paperwork... But that isn't the same dream that I have now after becoming a mom, of almost two kids! Crazy. So I decided that I would love to be able to have basically any job that would allow me to be home all day with my loves. What I really want is a computer job that I never would have to do phone calls with. One that was flexible, but still good paying. I don't do well with having lots of papers all over and with kids it's hard to do too much more, but I know that my duty and what I want to be doing is raising and nurturing my kids first, with making money part time on the side! I just know that I would love to help Derek not have to stress about finances so much, with him starting asu in a few months. But even if I never find anything like that, I know that I am able to live my ultimate dream job of being the person my kids call mom. Nothing beats that... Now if only my almost two year old would actually say "mom" things would be different. Lol One day he'll decide he wants to talk. Haha!
Up next: what are 5 passions I have. This one may be a toughy! Ha
Saturday, February 16, 2013
My 3 wishes.
Yeah bear with me, been a busy week and havent had any time to keep up on my computer stuff! so excited for when it finally gets organized again! Wouldn't it be great if we really did have a genie that would grant us any three wishes that we wanted?? Well my 3 wishes would be something along these lines...
My first wish: that Derek would find a job that he loved and that paid really good. I don't want to be super wealthy. I don't think wishing for a billion dollars is the way to go either. I am a strong believer in working for what we want, which is why I would want him to have a Great job. Full time, sick days, vacation days, paternity leave, reasonable hours, salaried job. Ha one day I hope that happens for us. :) I don't think that's too extreme of a wish!
My second wish: for people to be more respectful to each other! Seems like so much of the world now a days is lazy, unhappy, and they seem to take their frustrations out on each other. I really think if we all took the time to smile more and be less selfish, trips to the grocery store would be more bearable, standing in line at the bank wouldn't be such a hastle, there would be far less bullying and kids would learn these traits and continue to pass them on. It all starts with us parents. What kind of kids do you want to raise?
My third wish: houses cleaned themselves. I know that wouldn't teach us anything but I know I would find much more time to spend with my family if the chores didnt stack up! This wish probably is being influenced by the fact that I have boxes in every room that need unpacking and cleaning that needs to happen too, but I am sure that if my house cleaned itself after spencer made the mess, my energy level would be way higher! One can hope at least! ;)
Next post: what is my dream job? And why!
My first wish: that Derek would find a job that he loved and that paid really good. I don't want to be super wealthy. I don't think wishing for a billion dollars is the way to go either. I am a strong believer in working for what we want, which is why I would want him to have a Great job. Full time, sick days, vacation days, paternity leave, reasonable hours, salaried job. Ha one day I hope that happens for us. :) I don't think that's too extreme of a wish!
My second wish: for people to be more respectful to each other! Seems like so much of the world now a days is lazy, unhappy, and they seem to take their frustrations out on each other. I really think if we all took the time to smile more and be less selfish, trips to the grocery store would be more bearable, standing in line at the bank wouldn't be such a hastle, there would be far less bullying and kids would learn these traits and continue to pass them on. It all starts with us parents. What kind of kids do you want to raise?
My third wish: houses cleaned themselves. I know that wouldn't teach us anything but I know I would find much more time to spend with my family if the chores didnt stack up! This wish probably is being influenced by the fact that I have boxes in every room that need unpacking and cleaning that needs to happen too, but I am sure that if my house cleaned itself after spencer made the mess, my energy level would be way higher! One can hope at least! ;)
Next post: what is my dream job? And why!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
If you're happy and you know it...
So I decided not to do the typical 5 things. It's pretty obvious, that my family makes me happy, having a testimony makes me happy, sugar makes me happy, sleep makes me happy...lots of things make me happy. So here are the five less talked about topics that truly do make me happy!
5 things that make me happiest:
5. Surprises. Who doesn't love a surprise. I'm not very good at reacting well to them, and sometimes they even freak me out, but if its a good surprise then it's a good story at least of me looking dumb, especially in front of a bunch of people. The best surprises are the ones I don't know anything about. Poor Derek has a hard time surprising me. For some reason I tend to figure some parts out or completely ruin the surprise! Lol
4. When things go my way. I have found the past couple of years that being in control makes my life so much more smooth, resulting in better days! Having kids I don't get to be in control too much, since you can't plan every little detail out. Something unexpected always comes up with kids. But when things do go how I want it makes me super happy. Like finishing a craft! When it turns out how you invisioned it or even better, that's the best! Satisfaction of knowing you did that.
3. Going on vacation. Going out of town is so much fun! To the beach, to the woods, just to a hotel in town... You name it i love it! Can't wait till Derek gets out of school so that we can do some traveling again! :)
2. Getting new clothes! And not like hand me downs or anything like that. I'm talking shopping and finding an outfit that fits perfect and looks great too! What's even better than that is finding it on sale! Every shoppers dream right?!
1. This last one may be kind of silly, but getting out of debt! When I pay off a credit card I am the happiest girl ever! Knowing that I am one step closer to living more comfortably, it's such a great feeling!! I can't wait until we are debt free. I guess we'll have a short period of time with no debt before the student loans start for Derek! Baby steps!!
Next entry: if I were given any three wishes, what would I wish for?
Just a little side note: spencer finally said thank you today. Not very clear but I was excited to hear something other than uh-oh and ow and nuh-uh. This is a big deal coming from the kid who I'm pretty sure has no desire to talk and would rather go around throwing tantrums hoping I'll catch on to what he is trying to communicate. Love that little boy, even if all I do is hear stories about how good kids his age are already talking! We love any improvements! This kid has so much personality it's nuts! Can't wait to see how baby girl will be! Also can't believe we move in one week from tomorrow and she could be here within 6 weeks! Talk about crazy. :) so so excited! She was cuter than ever in the ultrasound I had today! My favorite part was seeing her little lips move. Pretty sure she was blowing me kisses for valentine's day, even though the nurse said she was just practicing sucking. Lol So happy!
5 things that make me happiest:
5. Surprises. Who doesn't love a surprise. I'm not very good at reacting well to them, and sometimes they even freak me out, but if its a good surprise then it's a good story at least of me looking dumb, especially in front of a bunch of people. The best surprises are the ones I don't know anything about. Poor Derek has a hard time surprising me. For some reason I tend to figure some parts out or completely ruin the surprise! Lol
4. When things go my way. I have found the past couple of years that being in control makes my life so much more smooth, resulting in better days! Having kids I don't get to be in control too much, since you can't plan every little detail out. Something unexpected always comes up with kids. But when things do go how I want it makes me super happy. Like finishing a craft! When it turns out how you invisioned it or even better, that's the best! Satisfaction of knowing you did that.
3. Going on vacation. Going out of town is so much fun! To the beach, to the woods, just to a hotel in town... You name it i love it! Can't wait till Derek gets out of school so that we can do some traveling again! :)
2. Getting new clothes! And not like hand me downs or anything like that. I'm talking shopping and finding an outfit that fits perfect and looks great too! What's even better than that is finding it on sale! Every shoppers dream right?!
1. This last one may be kind of silly, but getting out of debt! When I pay off a credit card I am the happiest girl ever! Knowing that I am one step closer to living more comfortably, it's such a great feeling!! I can't wait until we are debt free. I guess we'll have a short period of time with no debt before the student loans start for Derek! Baby steps!!
Next entry: if I were given any three wishes, what would I wish for?
Just a little side note: spencer finally said thank you today. Not very clear but I was excited to hear something other than uh-oh and ow and nuh-uh. This is a big deal coming from the kid who I'm pretty sure has no desire to talk and would rather go around throwing tantrums hoping I'll catch on to what he is trying to communicate. Love that little boy, even if all I do is hear stories about how good kids his age are already talking! We love any improvements! This kid has so much personality it's nuts! Can't wait to see how baby girl will be! Also can't believe we move in one week from tomorrow and she could be here within 6 weeks! Talk about crazy. :) so so excited! She was cuter than ever in the ultrasound I had today! My favorite part was seeing her little lips move. Pretty sure she was blowing me kisses for valentine's day, even though the nurse said she was just practicing sucking. Lol So happy!
Monday, February 11, 2013
To my younger self.
Let's see, today is about what I would tell my 16 year old self, if I could. What better way then a list of 10 things?
1. Don't be so focused on yourself. It doesn't matter what you look like every day. Take some of the time and energy you put into making yourself look good, and go out and make someone else feel good. It will make your days better and also change the lives of others!
2. Smile more. Come on, you are 16... What do you have to worry about? Figure out what is most important to you in your life and make sure they make you happy. No point in going through life unhappy and negative all the time.
3. School will only get harder. Don't look for the easy way out of things, it won't teach you anything and you will end up slowing yourself down later on. Push on and learn as much as you can. One day you won't be in school anymore, but your intellect will always be something up have.
4. It's not about how many dates you go on. So what if your friends are getting asked on dates all the time. Your time will come. And if waiting is too hard, go and do something about it, go ask boys out, make a fun time, instead of just sitting and moping about what you could be doing. It will only make you think something is wrong with you and kill yor self esteem anyways! Go out and have a good time.
5. Be a better role model to your young women girls. So many of these little beehives look up to you, and many of them will shape their lives based off of what they see you doing. Never ditch church, never give a teacher attitude, and don't allow yourself to be in places that the spirit can't be. After all, these girls really look up to you.
6. It's great to have best friends, but make time for your family too. Don't be upset and mom and dad when they set rules or tell you that you need to stay with the family tonight. It's okay to be sad, but be understanding and respectful in that they know what they are doing. One day you will understand why they set the rules they did. You will be grateful for them!
7. Take the extra time and energy into making sure you believe in something. Your whole life you have been raised in the church, but it's up to you, to Know if you believe in it. No one can make you have an opinion or belief in something. It will help you out later if you can strengthen the testimony that you have now. Even though you may think it's small, you believe so much of the church you just have to decide for yourself that you want it in your life.
8. Exercise. Not just to be healthy. It is a habit that will be way harder to get into when you have kids. Get in the habit now of taking care of your body and I promise you will feel better mentally and physically.
9. Keep your room clean always. It's so easy to be messy and with so much stuff it is hard to find a place for it all the time, but you won't have an excuse when you get your own house one day. Your husband won't appreciate the mess and your life will feel more cluttered than it needs to. It doesn't have to be spotless, but don't just fling laundry and your school work everywhere. Organize your life!
10. Last but not least, you are going to be sad. You are going to feel alone and that "no one likes you". NONE of that is true. You have friends that do care. You have family that loves you more than anything. And most importantly, you have a Heavenly Father who is just trying to teach you a lesson. Get down on your knees as often as you can, but especially when you feel like no one is there. Life is hard. It's not meant to be easy. Everyone has hard times, and we are all learning how to deal with the things that are thrown our way. You don't have to wait till you are home to pray. You can pray in your car, pray in your heart. You aren't alone in life ever. Sometimes you need to try extra hard to get an answer to prayers and even when you feel like your prayers haven't been answered, keep trying. Sometimes the answer is no, but those times I'm convinced that Heavenly Father sends a sense of comfort to help when the answer isn't what we want to hear. Stay strong, you have so much to look forward to in your life. You are an amazing young woman.
Love,
Alana
Tomorrow: 5 things that make me happy.
1. Don't be so focused on yourself. It doesn't matter what you look like every day. Take some of the time and energy you put into making yourself look good, and go out and make someone else feel good. It will make your days better and also change the lives of others!
2. Smile more. Come on, you are 16... What do you have to worry about? Figure out what is most important to you in your life and make sure they make you happy. No point in going through life unhappy and negative all the time.
3. School will only get harder. Don't look for the easy way out of things, it won't teach you anything and you will end up slowing yourself down later on. Push on and learn as much as you can. One day you won't be in school anymore, but your intellect will always be something up have.
4. It's not about how many dates you go on. So what if your friends are getting asked on dates all the time. Your time will come. And if waiting is too hard, go and do something about it, go ask boys out, make a fun time, instead of just sitting and moping about what you could be doing. It will only make you think something is wrong with you and kill yor self esteem anyways! Go out and have a good time.
5. Be a better role model to your young women girls. So many of these little beehives look up to you, and many of them will shape their lives based off of what they see you doing. Never ditch church, never give a teacher attitude, and don't allow yourself to be in places that the spirit can't be. After all, these girls really look up to you.
6. It's great to have best friends, but make time for your family too. Don't be upset and mom and dad when they set rules or tell you that you need to stay with the family tonight. It's okay to be sad, but be understanding and respectful in that they know what they are doing. One day you will understand why they set the rules they did. You will be grateful for them!
7. Take the extra time and energy into making sure you believe in something. Your whole life you have been raised in the church, but it's up to you, to Know if you believe in it. No one can make you have an opinion or belief in something. It will help you out later if you can strengthen the testimony that you have now. Even though you may think it's small, you believe so much of the church you just have to decide for yourself that you want it in your life.
8. Exercise. Not just to be healthy. It is a habit that will be way harder to get into when you have kids. Get in the habit now of taking care of your body and I promise you will feel better mentally and physically.
9. Keep your room clean always. It's so easy to be messy and with so much stuff it is hard to find a place for it all the time, but you won't have an excuse when you get your own house one day. Your husband won't appreciate the mess and your life will feel more cluttered than it needs to. It doesn't have to be spotless, but don't just fling laundry and your school work everywhere. Organize your life!
10. Last but not least, you are going to be sad. You are going to feel alone and that "no one likes you". NONE of that is true. You have friends that do care. You have family that loves you more than anything. And most importantly, you have a Heavenly Father who is just trying to teach you a lesson. Get down on your knees as often as you can, but especially when you feel like no one is there. Life is hard. It's not meant to be easy. Everyone has hard times, and we are all learning how to deal with the things that are thrown our way. You don't have to wait till you are home to pray. You can pray in your car, pray in your heart. You aren't alone in life ever. Sometimes you need to try extra hard to get an answer to prayers and even when you feel like your prayers haven't been answered, keep trying. Sometimes the answer is no, but those times I'm convinced that Heavenly Father sends a sense of comfort to help when the answer isn't what we want to hear. Stay strong, you have so much to look forward to in your life. You are an amazing young woman.
Love,
Alana
Tomorrow: 5 things that make me happy.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
For better or worse.
Today's post is all about Derek. Okay and maybe a little bit of me in there too. It's about us. My relationship with Derek has been typical. We have our highs, we have our lows. Most couples do! There are things we rock at (like watching tv and always saying I love you) but there are also things that have been a work in progress (making time for date nights, communicating, budgeting) the lists go on and on. But through all of it, he has remained my very best friend. He tries his hardest to make sure I'm happy. He works really hard to make sure we can pay all the bills! This guy is incredible right? Since I've done the whole mushy love love posts about him before, I'm going to take a different spin on how mine and Derek's relationship is. No need to panic, yes I still love him with my whole heart. I just want to let you guys into our world a little more. (None of this is meant to embarrass you honey, if you read this)! I apologize in advance for the novel.
Derek and I met technically through friends but we started talking to each other on the infamous Facebook. The first night we talked, he got my number and we started texting. A lot. I was a text addict and would stay up really late texting, but usually I was the one that fell asleep on our conversations first! Ha oops. So a few days after we "cyber-met" I agreed to a date with him. Went to the AZ science center and then out for ice cream. It was a chill date and went super smooth. We continued talking, and I thought it would be fun to take him out instead, so I planned a picnic and ice blocking and we spent the day at the park. He seemed to enjoy himself and I found myself getting really excited (butterflies) every time he texted or called or asked me on a date. And from there it escalated as usual. Holding hands, first kiss, more kissing... Ya I knew I liked this guy a lot. I always had fun, I got along with his family, we hit it off... Sweet. So a few months down the road he proposed and well duh I said yes. We prepared for a wedding and I went crazy. Partly blaming stress, mostly blaming birth control. I was emotional all the time, I couldn't get a grip on things and I felt myself losing it. BUT Derek always was there. He may have laughed at my immaturity, he may have cried with me, no matter what I was freaking out over this time he never left me. *bonus points for him* so I knew if he loved me through this, there's no way he's not the guy for me. So we got married. :) That's when life started speeding and getting overwhelming and when we started learning things I didn't think I ever needed to.
After we got married, three months in we got pregnant. Okay well now the birth control isn't making me crazy, the pregnancy was. (My poor hubby)...Derek went through so many jobs and so many hour cuts and I got laid off from my job. The whole thing was overwhelming but we did the best we could. What more could we do? We had our normal silly fights about things but nothing major, we just tried to enjoy everything as much as we could. Emotionally for me, it was a really hard time! I felt stressed all the time, I felt sick on top of that. It was not fun. But I knew I loved my husband and was so glad that he was in it with me. Everything seems better when you don't feel alone.
So we endured through and little spencer was born. I went through post pardum depression and had a hard time transitioning into motherhood. I felt like I was clueless and that I wasn't prepared like I should have been. But we pushed through like always. I was so happy for our little family, but truly regretted not having more time with my husband. Who was this guy? How was he coping with everything? As thrown into life as I felt, this man now had to work twice as hard and keep going to school, keep dealing with a wife that cried all the time, adding a newborn on top of that? Geez no wonder he was exhausted all the time. And this annoying part of me was still mad at the fact that he didn't help at certain times when I wanted it. I felt like all my needs weren't taken care of since all of my needs and wants didnt matter any more. I was now 100% devoted to making sure my son was taken care of. When in fact looking back, I should have saved some of me for Derek. Even if that means pushing past 100% to 130%. He deserved that much at least. Well, we live and learn. I guess that's when I really learned to say sorry. Why is a part of us so selfish at times? Looking back I know that's not how I wanted to be, so thank heavens we have an eternity to work on things!
A move and a few years later, we are expecting our second baby. This one was planned and although it has been exhausting for everyone, we have learned even more about parenting and finances, the Importance of communication and in watching our actions. So many lessons that have been learned and struggles that we have been through, but in the end my husband is Always right by my side.
I mean wanna hear a little of what he puts up with? Crazy tantrum thowing spencer, on top of this exhausted lazy wife that doesn't cook, or clean, or do laundry. What a mental picture of what my house would look like right?! But no... Derek gets home from work or school or church and start doing those things I either couldn't or didn't do. This man is amazing, but sometimes it makes me feel like the crappiest wife ever. Now on top of all of those normal parts of life: cooking, cleaning, etc. let's add a move in there. So let's pack the whole house in a few short weeks and keep up with the housework, and try to be the best mom to spencer and allow my insides to become a punching bag for the little girl that is stealing all of my energy! Let's throw a sign up saying: don't judge, we're doing the best we can. But seriously.
And this is the part that i have been feeling terrible about. Derek is still in school. He works every day he isn't in school except Sunday, I can't expect him to pick up my slack anymore. I have got to snap out of this bubble I am in and realize that I can do better! I can always do more. First thing to go, my afternoon naps while spencer naps. As much as I think I need them, we're running out of time. Next thig to go? My negativity. The hardest part about these next few weeks, isn't the packing. Or the cleaning. Or even spencer. It's that Derek will be gone more than usual. So in this huge house project, I feel like my best friend isn't able to be there. I feel terrible for feeling so needy towards him. Because you know what? Everything he is doing is for me. How childish am I?! So when we get in our arguments about time management, I can't expect him to make more hours in his day. All I can do is hope that eventually one day life will slow down enough that we can go back to enjoying everything about it.
This isn't a pity post. It isn't so that I can remember how hard life was, it's a reminder for me. It's a reminder of where mine and Derek's relationship has gone. As awesome as it would be to have the perfect schedule and the perfect life, I love the important things in my life. My family, my friends, and the savior. At the end of the day, what do we have to complain about, if you have those things around you. I have a lot to learn about being a wife, and a mom, and a friend, but I am SO SO grateful that I married Derek almost three years ago. BEST decision of my life.
Next will be: a list of 10 things I would tell my 16 year-old self, if I could.
Derek and I met technically through friends but we started talking to each other on the infamous Facebook. The first night we talked, he got my number and we started texting. A lot. I was a text addict and would stay up really late texting, but usually I was the one that fell asleep on our conversations first! Ha oops. So a few days after we "cyber-met" I agreed to a date with him. Went to the AZ science center and then out for ice cream. It was a chill date and went super smooth. We continued talking, and I thought it would be fun to take him out instead, so I planned a picnic and ice blocking and we spent the day at the park. He seemed to enjoy himself and I found myself getting really excited (butterflies) every time he texted or called or asked me on a date. And from there it escalated as usual. Holding hands, first kiss, more kissing... Ya I knew I liked this guy a lot. I always had fun, I got along with his family, we hit it off... Sweet. So a few months down the road he proposed and well duh I said yes. We prepared for a wedding and I went crazy. Partly blaming stress, mostly blaming birth control. I was emotional all the time, I couldn't get a grip on things and I felt myself losing it. BUT Derek always was there. He may have laughed at my immaturity, he may have cried with me, no matter what I was freaking out over this time he never left me. *bonus points for him* so I knew if he loved me through this, there's no way he's not the guy for me. So we got married. :) That's when life started speeding and getting overwhelming and when we started learning things I didn't think I ever needed to.
After we got married, three months in we got pregnant. Okay well now the birth control isn't making me crazy, the pregnancy was. (My poor hubby)...Derek went through so many jobs and so many hour cuts and I got laid off from my job. The whole thing was overwhelming but we did the best we could. What more could we do? We had our normal silly fights about things but nothing major, we just tried to enjoy everything as much as we could. Emotionally for me, it was a really hard time! I felt stressed all the time, I felt sick on top of that. It was not fun. But I knew I loved my husband and was so glad that he was in it with me. Everything seems better when you don't feel alone.
So we endured through and little spencer was born. I went through post pardum depression and had a hard time transitioning into motherhood. I felt like I was clueless and that I wasn't prepared like I should have been. But we pushed through like always. I was so happy for our little family, but truly regretted not having more time with my husband. Who was this guy? How was he coping with everything? As thrown into life as I felt, this man now had to work twice as hard and keep going to school, keep dealing with a wife that cried all the time, adding a newborn on top of that? Geez no wonder he was exhausted all the time. And this annoying part of me was still mad at the fact that he didn't help at certain times when I wanted it. I felt like all my needs weren't taken care of since all of my needs and wants didnt matter any more. I was now 100% devoted to making sure my son was taken care of. When in fact looking back, I should have saved some of me for Derek. Even if that means pushing past 100% to 130%. He deserved that much at least. Well, we live and learn. I guess that's when I really learned to say sorry. Why is a part of us so selfish at times? Looking back I know that's not how I wanted to be, so thank heavens we have an eternity to work on things!
A move and a few years later, we are expecting our second baby. This one was planned and although it has been exhausting for everyone, we have learned even more about parenting and finances, the Importance of communication and in watching our actions. So many lessons that have been learned and struggles that we have been through, but in the end my husband is Always right by my side.
I mean wanna hear a little of what he puts up with? Crazy tantrum thowing spencer, on top of this exhausted lazy wife that doesn't cook, or clean, or do laundry. What a mental picture of what my house would look like right?! But no... Derek gets home from work or school or church and start doing those things I either couldn't or didn't do. This man is amazing, but sometimes it makes me feel like the crappiest wife ever. Now on top of all of those normal parts of life: cooking, cleaning, etc. let's add a move in there. So let's pack the whole house in a few short weeks and keep up with the housework, and try to be the best mom to spencer and allow my insides to become a punching bag for the little girl that is stealing all of my energy! Let's throw a sign up saying: don't judge, we're doing the best we can. But seriously.
And this is the part that i have been feeling terrible about. Derek is still in school. He works every day he isn't in school except Sunday, I can't expect him to pick up my slack anymore. I have got to snap out of this bubble I am in and realize that I can do better! I can always do more. First thing to go, my afternoon naps while spencer naps. As much as I think I need them, we're running out of time. Next thig to go? My negativity. The hardest part about these next few weeks, isn't the packing. Or the cleaning. Or even spencer. It's that Derek will be gone more than usual. So in this huge house project, I feel like my best friend isn't able to be there. I feel terrible for feeling so needy towards him. Because you know what? Everything he is doing is for me. How childish am I?! So when we get in our arguments about time management, I can't expect him to make more hours in his day. All I can do is hope that eventually one day life will slow down enough that we can go back to enjoying everything about it.
This isn't a pity post. It isn't so that I can remember how hard life was, it's a reminder for me. It's a reminder of where mine and Derek's relationship has gone. As awesome as it would be to have the perfect schedule and the perfect life, I love the important things in my life. My family, my friends, and the savior. At the end of the day, what do we have to complain about, if you have those things around you. I have a lot to learn about being a wife, and a mom, and a friend, but I am SO SO grateful that I married Derek almost three years ago. BEST decision of my life.
Next will be: a list of 10 things I would tell my 16 year-old self, if I could.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Biggest fears!
Well it's a new day. My post today is about my three biggest fears and how they became fears! Some of these fears are pretty common and some are bizarre but either way, they are what makes me, me.
My first fear is one that my close family and friends hear about way too often. It's my fear of taking pills. I have tried over and over again to over come this, and I mean I have taken pills before so I know it's something I can do, just mentally my brain doesn't allow me to put liquid in my mouth and just swallow like a normal person. It tells me panic now. Throat closes. Body refuses. Totally awesome. Made taking birth control pills and antibiotics a blast when I needed to. Ha the only thing I can think is that the two times I swallowed life savers whole and choked has scarred me for the rest of my life. I hope they have liquid/chewable alternatives to every medications and vitamin that I will ever need to take!
My second fear is that something will happen to my family when I'm not near them. I don't want anyone else's stupidity to permanently injure or take from me, the thing that means the most to me. I don't want to be that mom who gets a phone call that something has happened. Every time I talk to Derek when he's leaving to or from school, work, the grocery store, pretty much anywhere, I always end with please drive safe, I love you. Not that I don't trust his driving, I don't trust the stupid people on the road around him. With all of the shootings and killings in schools and banks, it's adding to my fear and gives me anxiety to the point that I don't want my kids going anywhere if I can't be with them to do my best to protect them. All moms understand that one... Never realized how hard it is to let kids grow up and try new things, even if it means they could get hurt.
My last fear is of failing. Not in school although that stinks too, I mean in life. When all is said and done in this life, was what I did enough? Did I teach my kids the right ways to live and did I teach them about what matters most in life? Did I teach them about Heavenly Father and his plan? Did I teach them how to respect and how to be good parents one day themselves? It's scary, that how I act directly affects how they will be. Who I teach them about, will be who they know. That's a lot of pressure. Who wants to look back and only see what you could have done better? I'm afraid that I haven't repented enough, haven't been kind enough, haven't given my very best... But when I'm in the moment, screaming at spencer for something he did wrong, I don't know how to change that. I guess that's where practice comes in. I'm sure most first time moms feel like failures one time or another right? Being a mom is hard. Being a wife is hard. But being a great wife and mom is even harder. I guess thank heavens for good examples and for books that help give new ideas to try. I'm learning quickly how to say sorry. I'm learning how to live off of little sleep. It's all a learning process, I just never imagined how hard that process actually was. To all you moms out there... You make it look so easy. I know it's probably not, a walk in the park every day, but I sure do appreciate hearing stories about how common it is for us to "lose it" and to hear how their kid threw the biggest tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. Makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone in my insanity. :)
These fears may seem silly, and maybe they are! I right now I know three things from these fears though. I like to chew before swallowing, I love my family more than anything else in the world, and I am always striving to be better. I want my best to be good enough.
Up next: describing my relationship with my spouse. I'm excited for that one! :)
My first fear is one that my close family and friends hear about way too often. It's my fear of taking pills. I have tried over and over again to over come this, and I mean I have taken pills before so I know it's something I can do, just mentally my brain doesn't allow me to put liquid in my mouth and just swallow like a normal person. It tells me panic now. Throat closes. Body refuses. Totally awesome. Made taking birth control pills and antibiotics a blast when I needed to. Ha the only thing I can think is that the two times I swallowed life savers whole and choked has scarred me for the rest of my life. I hope they have liquid/chewable alternatives to every medications and vitamin that I will ever need to take!
My second fear is that something will happen to my family when I'm not near them. I don't want anyone else's stupidity to permanently injure or take from me, the thing that means the most to me. I don't want to be that mom who gets a phone call that something has happened. Every time I talk to Derek when he's leaving to or from school, work, the grocery store, pretty much anywhere, I always end with please drive safe, I love you. Not that I don't trust his driving, I don't trust the stupid people on the road around him. With all of the shootings and killings in schools and banks, it's adding to my fear and gives me anxiety to the point that I don't want my kids going anywhere if I can't be with them to do my best to protect them. All moms understand that one... Never realized how hard it is to let kids grow up and try new things, even if it means they could get hurt.
My last fear is of failing. Not in school although that stinks too, I mean in life. When all is said and done in this life, was what I did enough? Did I teach my kids the right ways to live and did I teach them about what matters most in life? Did I teach them about Heavenly Father and his plan? Did I teach them how to respect and how to be good parents one day themselves? It's scary, that how I act directly affects how they will be. Who I teach them about, will be who they know. That's a lot of pressure. Who wants to look back and only see what you could have done better? I'm afraid that I haven't repented enough, haven't been kind enough, haven't given my very best... But when I'm in the moment, screaming at spencer for something he did wrong, I don't know how to change that. I guess that's where practice comes in. I'm sure most first time moms feel like failures one time or another right? Being a mom is hard. Being a wife is hard. But being a great wife and mom is even harder. I guess thank heavens for good examples and for books that help give new ideas to try. I'm learning quickly how to say sorry. I'm learning how to live off of little sleep. It's all a learning process, I just never imagined how hard that process actually was. To all you moms out there... You make it look so easy. I know it's probably not, a walk in the park every day, but I sure do appreciate hearing stories about how common it is for us to "lose it" and to hear how their kid threw the biggest tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. Makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone in my insanity. :)
These fears may seem silly, and maybe they are! I right now I know three things from these fears though. I like to chew before swallowing, I love my family more than anything else in the world, and I am always striving to be better. I want my best to be good enough.
Up next: describing my relationship with my spouse. I'm excited for that one! :)
Friday, February 8, 2013
20 random facts about me.
Recently I was reading a blog that gave me a great idea for a few posts. It was titled 30 things my kids should know about me. So I'm going to give it a shot! Today's post is 20 random facts about me. Be patient with my blogging, it's a busy time with moving and stressing about baby coming in less than two months: So it may take me longer than 30 days to do this, but I'll do my best. ;)
1. I thought I would never get married.
2. I have an obsession with eating ice.
3. I am in no way an animal person.
4. I never was a yeller when I was angry until I had kids. (Which I'm working on really hard to stop)
5. I love to travel. Staying in hotels is the best!
6. Since I was very little, I have had the biggest sweet tooth. I have eaten so much candy in my life I'm probably lucky I still have all my teeth! LOL!
7. I care way too much about what people think of me.
8. For the last couple years I have been perfecting my nail painting skills. I love trying new designs and I love even more when they turn out how I want!!
9. Sometimes I wish I had the time to be crafty. Not like drawing crafty, you know all those fun wood projects or sewing or cricut things. There's just not enough time in my day!
10. I have a terrible habit of leaving my bobby pins all over the house.
11. I love fashion but feel like I can't pull off many other looks than the one I have already established. Ha
12. I love smelly soaps and candles, but not the super sugary smelling ones. I'd rather have cinnamon and spices or certain flowers or tropical smells.
13. I'd rather snack all day then have big meals.
14. I love camping and being outdoors and hope to be able to go again sometime soon!
15. I can't swallow a pill for the life of me.
16. I love lip gloss and Chapstick but only the kind that taste good. Haha
17. I can't wait to own our own house and get to decorate it how ever I want!!
18. I miss the beach. Haven't been in almost three years. Which leads into the next one:
19. I love getting sun burnt. Not to the point that you can't move it hurts so bad. Just the point when you can see a distinct tan line. This is a terrible thing and hope it doesn't come back to haunt me later on!!
20. I am very competitive and have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong! So silly.
Stay tuned! Next post will be: 3 legitimate fears that I have that and how they became fears.
1. I thought I would never get married.
2. I have an obsession with eating ice.
3. I am in no way an animal person.
4. I never was a yeller when I was angry until I had kids. (Which I'm working on really hard to stop)
5. I love to travel. Staying in hotels is the best!
6. Since I was very little, I have had the biggest sweet tooth. I have eaten so much candy in my life I'm probably lucky I still have all my teeth! LOL!
7. I care way too much about what people think of me.
8. For the last couple years I have been perfecting my nail painting skills. I love trying new designs and I love even more when they turn out how I want!!
9. Sometimes I wish I had the time to be crafty. Not like drawing crafty, you know all those fun wood projects or sewing or cricut things. There's just not enough time in my day!
10. I have a terrible habit of leaving my bobby pins all over the house.
11. I love fashion but feel like I can't pull off many other looks than the one I have already established. Ha
12. I love smelly soaps and candles, but not the super sugary smelling ones. I'd rather have cinnamon and spices or certain flowers or tropical smells.
13. I'd rather snack all day then have big meals.
14. I love camping and being outdoors and hope to be able to go again sometime soon!
15. I can't swallow a pill for the life of me.
16. I love lip gloss and Chapstick but only the kind that taste good. Haha
17. I can't wait to own our own house and get to decorate it how ever I want!!
18. I miss the beach. Haven't been in almost three years. Which leads into the next one:
19. I love getting sun burnt. Not to the point that you can't move it hurts so bad. Just the point when you can see a distinct tan line. This is a terrible thing and hope it doesn't come back to haunt me later on!!
20. I am very competitive and have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong! So silly.
Stay tuned! Next post will be: 3 legitimate fears that I have that and how they became fears.
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