For better or worse.

Today's post is all about Derek. Okay and maybe a little bit of me in there too. It's about us. My relationship with Derek has been typical. We have our highs, we have our lows. Most couples do! There are things we rock at (like watching tv and always saying I love you) but there are also things that have been a work in progress (making time for date nights, communicating, budgeting) the lists go on and on. But through all of it, he has remained my very best friend. He tries his hardest to make sure I'm happy. He works really hard to make sure we can pay all the bills! This guy is incredible right? Since I've done the whole mushy love love posts about him before, I'm going to take a different spin on how mine and Derek's relationship is. No need to panic, yes I still love him with my whole heart. I just want to let you guys into our world a little more. (None of this is meant to embarrass you honey, if you read this)! I apologize in advance for the novel.

Derek and I met technically through friends but we started talking to each other on the infamous Facebook. The first night we talked, he got my number and we started texting. A lot. I was a text addict and would stay up really late texting, but usually I was the one that fell asleep on our conversations first! Ha oops. So a few days after we "cyber-met" I agreed to a date with him. Went to the AZ science center and then out for ice cream. It was a chill date and went super smooth. We continued talking, and I thought it would be fun to take him out instead, so I planned a picnic and ice blocking and we spent the day at the park. He seemed to enjoy himself and I found myself getting really excited (butterflies) every time he texted or called or asked me on a date. And from there it escalated as usual. Holding hands, first kiss, more kissing... Ya I knew I liked this guy a lot. I always had fun, I got along with his family, we hit it off... Sweet. So a few months down the road he proposed and well duh I said yes. We prepared for a wedding and I went crazy. Partly blaming stress, mostly blaming birth control. I was emotional all the time, I couldn't get a grip on things and I felt myself losing it. BUT Derek always was there. He may have laughed at my immaturity, he may have cried with me, no matter what I was freaking out over this time he never left me. *bonus points for him* so I knew if he loved me through this, there's no way he's not the guy for me. So we got married. :) That's when life started speeding and getting overwhelming and when we started learning things I didn't think I ever needed to.

After we got married, three months in we got pregnant. Okay well now the birth control isn't making me crazy, the pregnancy was. (My poor hubby)...Derek went through so many jobs and so many hour cuts and I got laid off from my job. The whole thing was overwhelming but we did the best we could. What more could we do? We had our normal silly fights about things but nothing major, we just tried to enjoy everything as much as we could. Emotionally for me, it was a really hard time! I felt stressed all the time, I felt sick on top of that. It was not fun. But I knew I loved my husband and was so glad that he was in it with me. Everything seems better when you don't feel alone.

So we endured through and little spencer was born. I went through post pardum depression and had a hard time transitioning into motherhood. I felt like I was clueless and that I wasn't prepared like I should have been. But we pushed through like always. I was so happy for our little family, but truly regretted not having more time with my husband. Who was this guy? How was he coping with everything? As thrown into life as I felt, this man now had to work twice as hard and keep going to school, keep dealing with a wife that cried all the time, adding a newborn on top of that? Geez no wonder he was exhausted all the time. And this annoying part of me was still mad at the fact that he didn't help at certain times when I wanted it. I felt like all my needs weren't taken care of since all of my needs and wants didnt matter any more. I was now 100% devoted to making sure my son was taken care of. When in fact looking back, I should have saved some of me for Derek. Even if that means pushing past 100% to 130%. He deserved that much at least. Well, we live and learn. I guess that's when I really learned to say sorry. Why is a part of us so selfish at times? Looking back I know that's not how I wanted to be, so thank heavens we have an eternity to work on things!

A move and a few years later, we are expecting our second baby. This one was planned and although it has been exhausting for everyone, we have learned even more about parenting and finances, the Importance of communication and in watching our actions. So many lessons that have been learned and struggles that we have been through, but in the end my husband is Always right by my side.

I mean wanna hear a little of what he puts up with? Crazy tantrum thowing spencer, on top of this exhausted lazy wife that doesn't cook, or clean, or do laundry. What a mental picture of what my house would look like right?! But no... Derek gets home from work or school or church and start doing those things I either couldn't or didn't do. This man is amazing, but sometimes it makes me feel like the crappiest wife ever. Now on top of all of those normal parts of life: cooking, cleaning, etc. let's add a move in there. So let's pack the whole house in a few short weeks and keep up with the housework, and try to be the best mom to spencer and allow my insides to become a punching bag for the little girl that is stealing all of my energy! Let's throw a sign up saying: don't judge, we're doing the best we can. But seriously.

And this is the part that i have been feeling terrible about. Derek is still in school. He works every day he isn't in school except Sunday, I can't expect him to pick up my slack anymore. I have got to snap out of this bubble I am in and realize that I can do better! I can always do more. First thing to go, my afternoon naps while spencer naps. As much as I think I need them, we're running out of time. Next thig to go? My negativity. The hardest part about these next few weeks, isn't the packing. Or the cleaning. Or even spencer. It's that Derek will be gone more than usual. So in this huge house project, I feel like my best friend isn't able to be there. I feel terrible for feeling so needy towards him. Because you know what? Everything he is doing is for me. How childish am I?! So when we get in our arguments about time management, I can't expect him to make more hours in his day. All I can do is hope that eventually one day life will slow down enough that we can go back to enjoying everything about it.

This isn't a pity post. It isn't so that I can remember how hard life was, it's a reminder for me. It's a reminder of where mine and Derek's relationship has gone. As awesome as it would be to have the perfect schedule and the perfect life, I love the important things in my life. My family, my friends, and the savior. At the end of the day, what do we have to complain about, if you have those things around you. I have a lot to learn about being a wife, and a mom, and a friend, but I am SO SO grateful that I married Derek almost three years ago. BEST decision of my life.

Next will be: a list of 10 things I would tell my 16 year-old self, if I could.