Dear son.

Today I have thought a lot about you. How I want what's best for you and how to make things easier for you! As hard of a time that you give me, I love that you still take the time to smile and laugh when mommy is being silly. I love that you giggle when I am frustrated at you. Makes it so much harder to get mad at such a sweet boy. Thank you for changing my world. For teaching me what is really important in this life. Thank you for helping me learn patience the hard way and for challenging that patience every day.

What I love most about you right now is the look of Joy you get whenever daddy walks through the door. You stop everything you are doing and go straight to him with the biggest toothy grin I have ever seen! It makes all of the tears, anger, and hard work feel like just another day. It is that moment when you realize that daddy is home that I know that I can make it through another day. I want you to know that mommy and daddy love you so much. You weren't planned, but you have been the best thing ever! I can't wait till we get to go to the park, when you lose your first tooth. When you come in from playing in the rain soaking wet and freezing. I can't wait to go on many adventures with you. We can fight dragons and discover new world where aliens have taken over. It's going to be so much fun and I hope you know that I am doing my best. Some days will be easier and some days will harder. Any day just know that I love you always. Thanks for beig such a fun happy boy. Thanks for putting up with all of my moods. And last of all, thanks for picking our family to be a part of. I am so glad we all get to be together forever!!

I love you spencer. XOXo!

Love,
Mommy.

Sit and wonder

You know when you sit and wonder what your life would be like if you hadn't done the things you chose to do? Im not talking about the regretting and the disappointing times, I'm referring to the most wonderful decisions that have made you who you are.

I always heard people say that they wouldn't change their life for anything once they had kids. That they have made so many sacrifices but they wouldn't take a single one back. Up until I had Spencer, I never knew what they meant. It takes a lot of sacrifices. I've been experiencing some of the blues lately, because I have given up my whole world for a little boy who doesn't hug me or snuggle me. For one that screams at me through many parts of the day. The little angel that demands food, drinks, snacks and diaper changes without even a smile or thank you. He expects me to put him above anything else I am doing. The simple tasks of feeding myself, showering, or going to the bathroom is out of the question now. If its not in his plans, it's not going to happen. And why do I continue to do all of these things for him?? Because I know by giving him the love he needs, he'll one day return the favor. Because when he smiles at me with those big blue eyes for those brief moments in the day i know that he is grateful. Because I would give my whole world to this little monster. The way that I treat him and teach him to treat others will shape his future. I am his main example for how he will one day treat his wife and family. No pressure right?!?

As difficult as spencer is, I wouldn't change anything. I'm one of the lucky few who gets to stay home with my kid/ future kids. I don't have to share that responsibility, because my husband is taking full responsibility for that portion. That probably means I should show him how grateful I am by keeping up with the house chores huh?? Yeah. I think that is something I need to be better about. I do some but why not try to be my ideal wonder woman? Each day is a new day. A new day to be a better me!

Who am I?

This question has been pressing on me a lot this week. As I have had the chance to watch other mothers, wives, friends, I have realized that I am in a circle. I haven't made up my mind on who I want to be. I haven't made up my mind on how I want to discipline, how I want to break up my day, how I want to spend my time. I am trapped in a never ending circle of repetition. I wake up, take care of spencer, play with him, play on my phone, put him for naps, sometimes eat, play some more, watch a show or movie, and feed spencer some more. I feel like this is what my days are like everyday. Having said this. It is time for a change.

Who do I want to be? Someone who is easy to talk to. Someone who always has a positive attitude! I want to be a wife that cooks and cleans, just because she knows that she will get too spend more time with her husband if she takes the time to do it while he is away. The wife that makes dinner and has a smile on her face when the hubbs comes home. I want to be the mother who is slow to anger, who sees others as more important than herself. One that is willing to make sacrifices without making a big deal about it. especially about sleep. I want to accept that I will never get enough sleep and try my best to deal with how much I do get without being too grumpy the next day. I want to be a mom that gives hugs and kisses randomly to her kids, even when she is having a hard day with them. Always giving, never taking. The mom that teaches her children about the gospel and is a constant example to them. I want to be the person who always has a smile on her face, who stops and looks around and realizes how great she has it every single day! I want to be a homemaker and a goal setter. I want to have a strong testimony of the gospel. So that I NEVER have a doubt in my mind. I want to be the daughter/daughter in law and sister/sister in law to my family that I would want them to be to me. To check in every once in a while to see how they're doing. To do lunch dates and hang out, just because I could. I want to make a difference in the world every day through the small things. I want to be good about reading scriptures and praying, even when it is inconvenient or late at night.

I feel like al of these are so out of reach and that it will take a while to get them down, but that is what I want to end up like. I know that it wont happen overnight too. Baby steps. Thank heavens for to-do lists right? Thats the only way I get anything done in a day. I decided that I am going to do something a little different than I have ever done. I am going to do a daily goal. I need to find a white board that I can write it down on. Something that will help me remember. I have a feeling it will go on facebook, on my phone, everywhere I look often. Hopefully this helps push me towards my ultimate goal. :)

Goal #1: Limit my time using technology. 2 hours watching tv. 30 minute on the computer. 1 hour phone(playing games, checking facebook, etc.)

-Reminder*** I are just starting this. It looks like not very much change, but compared to the 5 hours tv, 3 hours phone, and 2 hour computer, this is a drastic cut. Time to be the person I want to be.

Update on the babes. 8 months. Big boy too. he's wearing 12 month clothes! Little boy has one tooth with the second one coming in right now! its cute!!