Falling short

Warning: this is a venting/ upset post. If you don't want to hear complaining don't read this post!!!!

Why is it that financial stresses are the most common reason for disagreements in a marriage?

Why does the stress not seem to go away either?

I look forward for the day that I don't have to worry as much about getting

groceries, or when something comes up that we can afford to deal with it.

Right now is not that time.

I am weighing heavily on the possibility of me needed to find work to do.

Honestly, that brings me to tears just to talk about it. To know that I don't get to be with my baby every second of every day.

Don't get me wrong it's a sacrifice i am willing to make, but it hurts.

I'm sick of finances. I'm sick of the stress it causes me and derek.

I just want to feel comfortable.

Right now we have so many things that are weighing on us.

1. Getting passports for our vacation in May:$300+

2. Getting all the books for my class that just started: $80

3. Paying pediatrician bills for Spencer being sick so much: $200

4. Derek getting truck fixed: $780

5. Regular bills/Debt: What seems like a million dollars

6. Finding the spare money to get groceries to feed the family

7.Having the faith to pay a portion of Derek's paycheck to tithing

8. Being able to drive to places we need to be and being able to spend $60 in gas every two weeks

I"m sure the list could go on and on. And i'm sure most of you probably are in the same circumstance so I know its not something you care/ think I should worry too much about. But I can't help it when it gets this tight at the end of the month. There isn't as much coming in as we need for these spur of the moment burdens.

My husband works harder than anyone that I know. He is doing everything he can

to provide and make sure we are taken care of.

I don't ever want to make him feel like he's not doing enough because I know that he is.

He's doing everything he can just to get through school and go to work.

That literally takes all of his time.

Which brings me back to the getting a job thing.

I feel the need to do something other than cleaning my moms house and occasionally working for my MIL.

But what?? Everyone says couponing but we seriously don't spend that much money on groceries to coupon. It takes so much more time in my day then I have with a baby and school and house responsibilities.

If anyone has any ideas, i'd sure love to hear them. Till then I have to figure out how to make it by till derek is up high enough where he feels comfortable. I think thats part of it. I know how sad it makes him when he knows we are tight. I know that he feels like he isn't doing enough. But trust me. I wouldn't ask anything more of him. He's doing exactly what I asked him to by going to school.

I might be just overwhelmed tonight which is why this is such a sad post, but we're allowed a bad day every once in a while right??

I try so hard to turn my trials into something positive. To look for the blessings.

I am grateful for everything that I do have. I am even more grateful for the help so many people have been to us. Literally I don't think that we would have made it through what we have without them.

There has gotta be a light at the end of the tunnel, so I know that by paying our tithing we will be blessed and we will make it through times like these. I feel like I need to stay strong for Derek. I feel like he deserves some positivity and the comfort in knowing that money doesn't matter. In the eternal perspective all we will have is our families.

I just wished that the world didn't demand so much from us in order to survive.