My baby isn't anymore.

This week spencer started walking. Not the couple of steps. From couch to couch. Across rooms. Every day he gets better and better! I am so excited for this step but at the same time. That's my baby. My little 6 lb 3 oz. baby. My little pal who I snuggled every day for months. That little baby who tested every bit of patience that I had. Where has the time gone? In about two weeks he turns one. How is that possible?! I want my little snuggle baby back. The one that just laid there staring at me and that slept in my arms. But no. We have moved on to other things. Walking. Babbling about whatever is going on in his little brain. Playing with toys. Getting in to things. It's crazy just how much they grow and develop in a year!

I wonder why it is time goes faster as we get older. When I was a little girl I thought church was all day. Conference lasted forever! School days took eternities! But as I get older, the days became seconds and the year became days. I think it does this so that we learn to appreciate each day and the memories that we have. Because one day we know it will all be different! I'm trying really hard to be the mom who keeps her cool when she wants to rip her hair out. The kind of mom that turns mistakes and unpleasant opportunities into teaching and learning moments. I've had a lot weighing on my mind as I think about the future... How will my kids ever want to be happy if I'm not? I need to find the happiness that I once had! Not to say I'm not happy now. Things are good! I just want to be a positive person. One that can only see the good in everyone and make a difference. You know!?

Baby steps. I am so blessed and even though I have no idea what heavenly father has in mind for the rest of my family's life, I'm learning that I have to trust that he will take care of me and place me where I need to be. Especially as spencer gets older. The thought of having more kids becomes a thought again. I'm finally at a place that I feel like I could handle another kid. (I know and so the baby hungry begins) haha but I am excited for the next one. Whenever that will be. I hope I will be privileged with more children when the time comes! :)